How NOT to be picky?!

Article #1

Guys: a word of advice. Marry pretty women or ugly ones. Short ones or tall ones. Blondes or brunettes. Just, whatever you do, don't marry a woman with a career.

Why? Because if many social scientists are to be believed, you run a higher risk of having a rocky marriage. While everyone knows that marriage can be stressful, recent studies have found professional women are more likely to get divorced, more likely to cheat and less likely to have children. And if they do have kids, they are more likely to be unhappy about it. A recent study in Social Forces, a research journal, found that women--even those with a "feminist" outlook--are happier when their husband is the primary breadwinner.

Not a happy conclusion, especially given that many men, particularly successful men, are attracted to women with similar goals and aspirations. And why not? After all, your typical career girl is well educated, ambitious, informed and engaged. All seemingly good things, right? Sure … at least until you get married. Then, to put it bluntly, the more successful she is, the more likely she is to grow dissatisfied with you. Sound familiar?

Many factors contribute to a stable marriage, including the marital status of your spouse's parents (folks with divorced parents are significantly more likely to get divorced themselves), age at first marriage, race, religious beliefs and socio-economic status. And, of course, many working women are indeed happily and fruitfully married--it's just that they are less likely to be so than nonworking women. And that, statistically speaking, is the rub.

To be clear, we're not talking about a high school dropout minding a cash register. For our purposes, a "career girl" has a university-level (or higher) education, works more than 35 hours a week outside the home and makes more than $30,000 a year.

The other reason a career can hurt a marriage will be obvious to anyone who has seen his or her mate run off with a co-worker: When your spouse works outside the home, chances increase that he or she will meet someone more likable than you. "The work environment provides a host of potential partners," researcher Adrian J. Blow reported in The Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, "and individuals frequently find themselves spending a great deal of time with these individuals."

A word of caution, though: As with any social scientific study, it's important not to confuse correlation with causation. In other words, just because married folks are healthier than single people, it doesn't mean that marriage is causing the health gains. It could just be that healthier people are more likely to be married.

Article #2

'You're too picky.'

What single person hasn't heard that before? People are quick to accuse you of being super-selective if you're less than snappy about getting ourselves hitched.

But let's be honest, most of us are picky. And is there really such a thing as being too picky? What do people expect? 'Well, you're not exactly what I'm looking for, but I guess you'll do.'How appealing.

We all have a list when it comes to whom we're attracted to. And, again, let's be honest many of the items on the list are physical. I hate to admit it, but I always had a hard time with men who were shorter than I was.

Which is why it's good to also have a few non-physical traits on the list, just in case you want to have the occasional conversation with the people with whom you hook up. For instance, I had other things like a sense of humour and gracious spirit on my list. As a result, I went out with some funny, kind short men.

Ultimately, you have to decide what you can and can't live with. If she's gotta be blonde and thin, that's your thing. Don't apologize for it. But if you're frustrated because you're not finding blonde, thin women, that's a problem. You might try adding a few other items to the list.

It's true that, as we get older, we have a better idea of what we want (theoretically anyway) and get even pickier. Chances are, you've dated enough people to know what you like and don't like and aren't interested in wasting your time on people you know you won't want to spend time a lot of with. If that makes you picky, well, so what, right?

Of course, sometimes what we think we want isn't necessarily the best thing for us. Sometimes, the initial chemistry is so overwhelming and our list suddenly gets a little more flexible than it should. 'Did I say I'd never date someone who tortures small animals? What was I thinking? This guy's perfect for me. I'm sure the animals deserved it.'

I can't tell you the number of friends who end up with people they never thought they would end up with. And many a time I've heard someone rattle off a list, only to sit down with them one-on-one to find out that what they're actually looking for is totally at odds with their list. So, it may not be that you're picky, it may just be time to revisit your 'list.'

Try this exercise:
* Write down everything you could possibly fantasize about an ideal partner.
* Go through you list and whittle it down to your non-negotiables. With each quality on the list, ask yourself, would I rather stay single than be with someone who doesn't have this quality. If the answer is 'no,' strike it off the list (maybe he doesn't absolutely have to love Neapolitan Mastiffs, liking animals in general might do).
* You should now have a short, hardcore list of important qualities you're looking for in a mate. Memorize it and leave it at home. That way you won't be tempted to pull it out and check off items when you're out on a date with someone new. And you'll be able to keep your wits about you when that hunk of a guy who is suddenly making your knees melt kicks your dog.